All newf owners hear it at one time or another. "Man, that dog is HUGE!" To us, our dogs are proper sized dogs, it's everyone else's dogs who are small. A friend (Jack V.) posted this observation to the Newf-List, and fellow listers chimed in with their stories, which they have kindly allowed me to share here.
You know your Newf is big when......
... a first-time visitor to your house is greeted in the foyer by your 8-month old 80lb female Newf and he says "Wow, what a big dog." You then say "Actually, she's our small dog; the big one's over there" while pointing to the family room, where your 7-yr-old male Newf is getting a belly rub from a couple of kids and doing a very good imitation of a bear skin rug. Visitor's jaw drops perceptibly. It's a funny reminder of perspective: Newfs long ago stopped seeming big to me; most other dogs just seem small.... ;)
Jack V.
...Or when people say, "You're going to put those dogs in that car?" or stare & point when we go down the road.
Susan, Deacon, and Lyric
...ah yes, the stare and point ... my daughter always laughs her head off in the car when that happens! She'll tell me to drive over to a crowd of people just for the reactions. Or here with a snow covered street we hook them up to the sled and you should see the people looking out their front windows as we pass by!
Dorrie and Sammy
...When people comment on Rocky's size, I always deny that he's a dog, and say "Oh, you mean my web-footed Holstein?"
Demeter and the gang
...Yes, I have to agree. Here's a quick little story about Watson and the FedEx guy.
Watson loves spending time out on our fully enclosed porch. He has his box which he sits on, a box of old magazines that I never got around to throwing out. It's now officially 'Watson's box". He also sits in a wicker chair positioned right up near the window so either way, Watson has a great view of the entire block.
Well, a few days ago, I received a delivery from FedEx. I keep the door locked, so he rang the doorbell. Watson went with me to answer the door. Watson stayed on the stairs while I opened the door and greeted the FedEx guy. When I looked at him, his eyes were totally focused on Watson. He never said a word to me...not Hi...nothing. So, I said.."This is Watson...he's a Newfoundland." Watson never moved and the guy never said a word. Just kept looking at Watson. I wasn't sure if he was in shock or awed. Very politely, and trying to distract him, I thanked the guy and he very slowly walked away from my house. Watson watched him walk all the way back to his truck.
I guess I, too, forget other people's reaction to a big, black Newfoundland. So, was it because he saw a big black dog sitting in a chair on the porch? Or possibly that he had never seen a dog that big, I don't know. Whatever it was, Watson left him speechless. :)
Sharon and Watson
... I have to chime in here, too. The other day, while Brogan and Weezie were out in the backyard, a guy from the gas company came to the front door to check something in the house. I directed him on thru the house following behind him, when he passed by the back door. Unknown to me, Weezie was standing up on her hind legs peering in thru the screen door to see who came. All 125 lbs. of her, stretched out full height. When the guy abruptly stopped dead in his tracks and clasped his heart with both hands, I ran smack into him. He didn't even notice. Continuing to clasp his heart in his hands, he simply said....."Dear God!" : )
Pat
...My own favorite big dog story was driving with my Mack, who was a very long slabby dog, and when I was in paying for my gas, the teller asked me how many dogs I had in the car. I answered "Just one..." and then followed her line of vision, to see Mack standing in the back seat of my car with his head out one side window, and part of his tail sticking out the window on the other side, wagging...
Cindy
...My favorite just happened again this morning! Jade, my very tiny 7.5 year old granddaughter is bored, she wants to take the dogs for a walk. We bundle up and put leashes on 135 lb Zulu and 25 pound Chewy ....
We go out the door with Grammy holding both leashes until the boys figure out we mean to WALK not take a run down the hill. Then, Jade takes Zulu (who has manners on a leash) and I walk Chewy (who will still cut and run, or try to, after the squirrels in the trees). We stop traffic, and people ask Jade how she walks a dog that is 6 times her size.
Jade responds: "It is easy, because he knows I'm the boss. I just walk and he comes with me."
Good boy ZULU!
Mary
...We actually put our meter reader to a run one morning when we surprised her checking the meter. We were going out for our first tinkle of the day, and she was checking our gas usage. She almost howled when she saw Nanook coming out the door, yelled, "I'm just checking the meter!!!" and RAN for her car.
Bwa ha ha ha.
I'm hoping she misread it that day in our favor.
Vanessa and Nanook
...We had gotten a 5 month old Dogue puppy. She has now topped out at about 100 pounds. My Mom keeps telling us we need to get her to the vet because 'There's something wrong with her - she's not growing.'
Our UPS guy tosses the packages from a distance and runs like hell!!!
Lori
...
This thread is so funny! My son had 3 teenage girls over last night...he said they squealed and yelled "OMG BEARS" Wish I would of been downstairs for that one!
...Tonight at Petsmart...granddaughter brought grandmother over to see what she found. All she could say was "oh, oh, oh, oh, oh" each "oh" got higher pitched then the one before. I had a friends Newf with me, so maybe thats why she hit such a high note. : ) After she stopped doing, whatever it was she was doing, I told her they wouldnt hurt her. She finally came over and pet Josie, and seemed to have a little bond going....til Josie laid the "Newfie lean" on her....luckily she was close enough to the shelves, and she didnt fall far....she picked up the treat that got knocked down, and that bond was broken. And she had nothing else to say to me. I dont see a Newfie in her future...EVER!
Tara and Josie
...We took Nanook shopping today and one little old lady exiting the store saw Nanook and said, "do you have a trailer for that thing?" with a smile on her face. I laughed and told her, "heck no. I rode him here!"
Vanessa and Nanook
... My favorite moment was when I was taking Elvis on his daily walk, and a delivery man yelled out his window that he thought it was illegal to keep bears as pets!!
Bronn
...I like to get folks before they can ask. When we walk on our favorite trail and I see another dog-walker's mouth open, I say, "Wow, that's a tiny dog you have!"
Now I'm going to make a bumper sticker which says, "Newfs are normal-size dogs, all others are stunted."
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Kitties--Part 3
As mentioned in my previous posts, Orion has a special affection for kitties. Kitties are meant to be chased. Kitties are great, because if you run AT them, they run away. That's what he was thinking. Until he met Orange Kitty.
Orange Kitty was sitting on my livingroom floor when The Count walked in. Orange Kitty turned her head and meowed. Oh, look! A kitty! Orion ran up to Orange Kitty, Orange Kitty did not run away. Orange Kitty stayed still, and purred! Orion backed up, Orange Kitty turned her head and meowed. Orion play bowed, Orange Kitty purred. Orion backed up again, Orange Kitty moved forward. Orion barked. Orange Kitty purred. Orange Kitty moved forward again, Orion barked and ran out of the room! Orange Kitty meowed, Orion creeped back in. Orange Kitty moved forward, Orion ran and hid.
This was a fun game, until Orange Kitty's batteries ran down. I have to remember to pick up some C batteries.....
Orange Kitty was sitting on my livingroom floor when The Count walked in. Orange Kitty turned her head and meowed. Oh, look! A kitty! Orion ran up to Orange Kitty, Orange Kitty did not run away. Orange Kitty stayed still, and purred! Orion backed up, Orange Kitty turned her head and meowed. Orion play bowed, Orange Kitty purred. Orion backed up again, Orange Kitty moved forward. Orion barked. Orange Kitty purred. Orange Kitty moved forward again, Orion barked and ran out of the room! Orange Kitty meowed, Orion creeped back in. Orange Kitty moved forward, Orion ran and hid.
This was a fun game, until Orange Kitty's batteries ran down. I have to remember to pick up some C batteries.....
Thursday, December 07, 2006
Good Count, Bad Count
After hearing some stories last night about naughty newfs, I got to thinking mine is amazingly good. That is, when he's good. Yesterday was an example of his angelic behavior.
I take The Count pretty much everywhere. I even take him to church (he sits in the truck while we are in for 45 minutes, then we take him for a walkie around town). I took him grocery shopping yesterday, as I normally do. He takes the cargo area of the station wagon, and the groceries go on the back seat. We have a cargo barrier, so I know he can't get to the groceries if he wanted to. Yesterday I took the truck. This means no cargo area, no barrier. Nothing to seperate The Count from the goods. I arrived at the store pretty early, got a nice spot near the sidewalk, "primo parking." I ran in to get the week's worth of grub while the Heavily Upholstered One sat in the truck. On my return I loaded the parcels into the truck with The Count, and looked across the lot at the Walmart Parking. I had to make a stop at the Wally to pick up some goods, but the lot was filling up fast. Hmmmm. I decided to leave the Newf, groceries, and vehicle right where they were and run over to the Wally on foot. Faster than finding parking, that's for sure. I told The Count I'd be right back and shut the door, ran over to finish the shopping, and returned in about 20 minutes. You are thinking, "I can't believe she left that beast in the truck with groceries! Didn't she have fresh meat? Fish? Loaves of bread? Vegetables? Is she out of her mind?" Well, when I returned, all was exactly as I had left it. Orion never touched a thing. I really didn't think he would, he doesn't even take his dinner until I tell him what to do with it ("Eat it!"). When he's good, he's so good.
All things have their darker side, and my angelic one is no exeption.
He has a job, a very important job which gets done every morning. It is his job to bring down the newspaper. He takes great pride in his job, and if he drops it, you can forget about reading it, because he will not let anyone pick it up; he will try to pick it up himself, which usually results in it being ripped, muddy, and disassembled. He takes his job that seriously.
Let me paint a picture of our daily routine. Up at 5:30 -6am, I make coffee, then take His Highness out for his morning duties. He has a pen by the front/side of the house where he tends to his needs. The pen is far too big for a lavitory (we thought he might like a pen to go out and play in, but he rejected it for that purpose), so when he goes in his pen in the morning, he can spend a good deal of time looking for "The Ideal Spot". I wait outside the pen, watching the sun rise. From there we walk across the yard to the driveway and half-way up the driveway (my driveway is a hill, half-way up the driveway is the top of the hill). He sits at the top and waits for me to walk down to the road and retrieve the paper from the tube. I bring the paper to him, he takes it and we race each other back to the front door (I even win, sometimes!). He carries the paper in the house, hands it to Daddy, and gets a cookie for a job well done.
This particular morning Daddy had to leave for work early, so I was pressed for time getting him ready. I took Orion to his pen, and instead of waiting by the pen, I snuck off to get the paper. When I retrieved it and came down the driveway, I stopped where he could see me, and I could see him exiting the pen. I called him, "Where's my baby?!" and he spotted me, I said, "Orion, Come!" and he took off at full speed toward me. Now how do we all stand when we tell our dogs to "come"? Right, bent over a bit with arms open wide. That's how I was standing when he ran full speed into me, his concrete head hit me right in the chest, sending me airborne, knocking me to the ground, feet in the air. From there he decided I must need help, so started licking me, which got me rolling down the driveway trying to get up (and away from the slurps), with him trying to "rescue" me. Did I mention I was also wearing a skirt?
I was so glad hubber was still in the shower and did not witness this scene. I'm sure he would never let me live it down!
I take The Count pretty much everywhere. I even take him to church (he sits in the truck while we are in for 45 minutes, then we take him for a walkie around town). I took him grocery shopping yesterday, as I normally do. He takes the cargo area of the station wagon, and the groceries go on the back seat. We have a cargo barrier, so I know he can't get to the groceries if he wanted to. Yesterday I took the truck. This means no cargo area, no barrier. Nothing to seperate The Count from the goods. I arrived at the store pretty early, got a nice spot near the sidewalk, "primo parking." I ran in to get the week's worth of grub while the Heavily Upholstered One sat in the truck. On my return I loaded the parcels into the truck with The Count, and looked across the lot at the Walmart Parking. I had to make a stop at the Wally to pick up some goods, but the lot was filling up fast. Hmmmm. I decided to leave the Newf, groceries, and vehicle right where they were and run over to the Wally on foot. Faster than finding parking, that's for sure. I told The Count I'd be right back and shut the door, ran over to finish the shopping, and returned in about 20 minutes. You are thinking, "I can't believe she left that beast in the truck with groceries! Didn't she have fresh meat? Fish? Loaves of bread? Vegetables? Is she out of her mind?" Well, when I returned, all was exactly as I had left it. Orion never touched a thing. I really didn't think he would, he doesn't even take his dinner until I tell him what to do with it ("Eat it!"). When he's good, he's so good.
All things have their darker side, and my angelic one is no exeption.
He has a job, a very important job which gets done every morning. It is his job to bring down the newspaper. He takes great pride in his job, and if he drops it, you can forget about reading it, because he will not let anyone pick it up; he will try to pick it up himself, which usually results in it being ripped, muddy, and disassembled. He takes his job that seriously.
Let me paint a picture of our daily routine. Up at 5:30 -6am, I make coffee, then take His Highness out for his morning duties. He has a pen by the front/side of the house where he tends to his needs. The pen is far too big for a lavitory (we thought he might like a pen to go out and play in, but he rejected it for that purpose), so when he goes in his pen in the morning, he can spend a good deal of time looking for "The Ideal Spot". I wait outside the pen, watching the sun rise. From there we walk across the yard to the driveway and half-way up the driveway (my driveway is a hill, half-way up the driveway is the top of the hill). He sits at the top and waits for me to walk down to the road and retrieve the paper from the tube. I bring the paper to him, he takes it and we race each other back to the front door (I even win, sometimes!). He carries the paper in the house, hands it to Daddy, and gets a cookie for a job well done.
This particular morning Daddy had to leave for work early, so I was pressed for time getting him ready. I took Orion to his pen, and instead of waiting by the pen, I snuck off to get the paper. When I retrieved it and came down the driveway, I stopped where he could see me, and I could see him exiting the pen. I called him, "Where's my baby?!" and he spotted me, I said, "Orion, Come!" and he took off at full speed toward me. Now how do we all stand when we tell our dogs to "come"? Right, bent over a bit with arms open wide. That's how I was standing when he ran full speed into me, his concrete head hit me right in the chest, sending me airborne, knocking me to the ground, feet in the air. From there he decided I must need help, so started licking me, which got me rolling down the driveway trying to get up (and away from the slurps), with him trying to "rescue" me. Did I mention I was also wearing a skirt?
I was so glad hubber was still in the shower and did not witness this scene. I'm sure he would never let me live it down!
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Orion and Oscar-kitty (part 2)
At night we put the kitties in the garage for bed. They have their pillows and cushions there as well as their "necessity box" so it is a comfy place for them. Last night I hoisted Sophia-kitty from my bed and put her in the garage for bed. Then I checked the other bedrooms for Oscar-kitty. I had seen him earlier in the day eating crunchies in the kitchen, but since he goes in and out all day, I had lost track of him. So I opened the door to the outdoors and called him. He responded with a gurgled cry. I freaked, was that Oscar? I called again, got the same answer. It wasn't the sound of two cats fighting (the neighbor's cat and Oscar have been at war for 8 years, so I know their sounds), but it sounded like a very strange cry. I panicked, is he hurt? I called again, trying to place his location. Suddenly, Orion, who had been asleep in another room, was squirming past me through the door, down the steps and around the garage. that's when he saw something, gave a low, loud "Woof!" and took off at full speed. I ran in to turn on the outside lights in front of the garage and to grab a flashlight (it's really hard to find a black dog at night!). I saw Orion run across the property and into the neighbor's field, and I caught the sight of Oscar running under the porch. Once I knew Oscar was safe, I called Orion back. He came marching back, stopped at the bushes bordering the neighbor's field, and marked his territory. Oscar was extrememly grateful to Orion and they have been chummy today. I think Oscar has figured out what Orion's purpose in life really is.
Orion and Oscar-kitty
We have two kitties, the aforementioned Sophia, and Oscar. Oscar is Sophia's brother, and her nemesis. Where Sophia is very lazy with an attitude, Oscar is as playful as a kitten. He's very trusting, comes to me whenever I call him, and will pretty much play with anything, which makes him a very entertaining kitty. It took him a bit of time before he realized Orion wasn't going to use him as an appetizer, so he is beginning to get used to having a dog. He even will sometimes willingly play, "Chase the Kitty" with The Count. Orion likes him best, I think, because he seems to be able to read Oscar's language better (perhaps because Oscar does more than growl and hiss). When Oscar wants to be chased, he runs, when he doesn't want to be chased, he sits. Orion understands this.
I realized they had some kind of tolerence for each other when I discovered they both act differently when they think no one is watching. If the family is about, Oscar will act scared of Orion, but when no one is looking, Oscar will walk right up to The Count, climb over him, saunter under his nose, you name it. I have caught him on several occasions, so Oscar knows I am on to him.
I realized they had some kind of tolerence for each other when I discovered they both act differently when they think no one is watching. If the family is about, Oscar will act scared of Orion, but when no one is looking, Oscar will walk right up to The Count, climb over him, saunter under his nose, you name it. I have caught him on several occasions, so Oscar knows I am on to him.
Orion and Sophia-kitty
The Count has a thing for kitties. He is convinced they were put here on this earth for the sole purpose of being chased, preferably up a tree. We live with two kitties, and needless to say, he keeps them in tip-top shape.
Orion met Sophia-kitty the day we brought him home. Sophia is a fat, lazy, black and white kitty with a real bad attitude. When I brought Orion home at the tender age of 8 weeks, I took him for a walk around his new yard. Perched on a low stone wall was the corpulent one, Queen Sophia. Now I have often heard dogs don't exactly have the best eyesight, so his response to her was quite understandable. Orion was one of a litter of three, his two brothers are Landseers (white and black) so it was an honest mistake that he thought this corpulent, black and white being was a fluffy littermate. Boy, was he ever glad to see one of his brothers! He happily approached her and she had no idea what on God's Green Earth this thing was but she was pretty certain it was a) stupid or b) going to eat her. She stood up, growled and hissed. Orion didn't get it, he just playfully trotted up to her. She swat, he jumped back. "This isn't my brother!" I don't know what he thought she was, but when she took off, he stood there completely stunned. His future run-ins with her were met with the same hissing and growling. She couldn't believe the beast was actually going to live in HER house.
One day he figured out if he marched right up to her, she would run. Hence the invention of "Chase the Kitty". Now, whenever Sophia so much as walks into a room, Orion is on his feet and off like a shot. Sophia, I must add, is no longer corpulent.
Orion met Sophia-kitty the day we brought him home. Sophia is a fat, lazy, black and white kitty with a real bad attitude. When I brought Orion home at the tender age of 8 weeks, I took him for a walk around his new yard. Perched on a low stone wall was the corpulent one, Queen Sophia. Now I have often heard dogs don't exactly have the best eyesight, so his response to her was quite understandable. Orion was one of a litter of three, his two brothers are Landseers (white and black) so it was an honest mistake that he thought this corpulent, black and white being was a fluffy littermate. Boy, was he ever glad to see one of his brothers! He happily approached her and she had no idea what on God's Green Earth this thing was but she was pretty certain it was a) stupid or b) going to eat her. She stood up, growled and hissed. Orion didn't get it, he just playfully trotted up to her. She swat, he jumped back. "This isn't my brother!" I don't know what he thought she was, but when she took off, he stood there completely stunned. His future run-ins with her were met with the same hissing and growling. She couldn't believe the beast was actually going to live in HER house.
One day he figured out if he marched right up to her, she would run. Hence the invention of "Chase the Kitty". Now, whenever Sophia so much as walks into a room, Orion is on his feet and off like a shot. Sophia, I must add, is no longer corpulent.
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
Election Day Poem
Pregnant chad
Political ad
All this talk about Baghdad
Turning coats
Cutting throats
All to see who wins the votes
It's pretty lame
They're all the same
They just want their claim to fame
Come what may
We'll shout, "Hurray!"
'Cuz all of it will end today
Political ad
All this talk about Baghdad
Turning coats
Cutting throats
All to see who wins the votes
It's pretty lame
They're all the same
They just want their claim to fame
Come what may
We'll shout, "Hurray!"
'Cuz all of it will end today
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Why you should have a cargo barrier....
A friend of mine sent this story to me, reminding me I had sent it to him. I'm very glad he saved it! We were discussing cars, and I told him the car I drive is a Passat station wagon, which has plenty of room in the cargo area for one newf. Then I told him why he should get a barrier....
We have a barrier in the cargo area (his crate does not fit in), and I would recommend getting something which covers the back of the back seats, as well as the floor and wall to make it easier to remove hair and slime. One of his favorite things to do was to sit up while riding, chin resting between the two headrests of the back seat, and slime drooling down onto the horrified child below (to the amusement of her brothers). Once, while training him I gave him a mini marshmallow in order to coax him to get into the vehcle himself. After the kids were fighting in the back seat over who was going to sit where, they finally settled (pretty much had to, since I was leaving with or without them). Daughter was pretty smug since she won the arguement and got the spot of her choice. A few minutes down the road I heard a load "Haaaack!" and looked in the rearview mirror. He had coughed out the marshmallow. I'm not kidding. All down the front of daughter's jacket and seatbelt. I had to pull over because I was laughing so hard I couldn't drive, though my precious daughter was shrieking. We bought the barrier shortly after, the barrier keeps his head in his own space.
We have a barrier in the cargo area (his crate does not fit in), and I would recommend getting something which covers the back of the back seats, as well as the floor and wall to make it easier to remove hair and slime. One of his favorite things to do was to sit up while riding, chin resting between the two headrests of the back seat, and slime drooling down onto the horrified child below (to the amusement of her brothers). Once, while training him I gave him a mini marshmallow in order to coax him to get into the vehcle himself. After the kids were fighting in the back seat over who was going to sit where, they finally settled (pretty much had to, since I was leaving with or without them). Daughter was pretty smug since she won the arguement and got the spot of her choice. A few minutes down the road I heard a load "Haaaack!" and looked in the rearview mirror. He had coughed out the marshmallow. I'm not kidding. All down the front of daughter's jacket and seatbelt. I had to pull over because I was laughing so hard I couldn't drive, though my precious daughter was shrieking. We bought the barrier shortly after, the barrier keeps his head in his own space.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Lessons from Sweetie
Greet every morning with a song.
Take a nap every day.
Flirt with disaster.
Talk to yourself.
Talk to everyone else.
Tell yourself how pretty you are.
Yell at the TV.
Go to bed early.
Play.
When you see a swing, get on it and swing.
Have a special friend to tell your secrets to.
Shiny things are pretty.
Let people know you love them with your eyes.
Play with your food.
Strut your stuff.
Listen.
Love life and every single minute you are given.
Life is too short.
Take a nap every day.
Flirt with disaster.
Talk to yourself.
Talk to everyone else.
Tell yourself how pretty you are.
Yell at the TV.
Go to bed early.
Play.
When you see a swing, get on it and swing.
Have a special friend to tell your secrets to.
Shiny things are pretty.
Let people know you love them with your eyes.
Play with your food.
Strut your stuff.
Listen.
Love life and every single minute you are given.
Life is too short.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Grocery shopping
Usually I do the grocery shopping on Monday mornings. Same store, same line, same check out gal (Judy), and same bagger (Dan). They ask how the kids and dog are, I ask about their grandkids. I will wait longer if I have to just so I can stay in my same line. They know me.
This Monday I had to make a change in my routine. I had to clean daughter's room. It took all day, so I didn't get to shop in the morning as I usually do. I waited until the younger kids came home, threw them in the car and went shopping. Since we were in a hurry, the two kids helped get the items on my list, and when we had one item left (bathroom tissue), I asked daughter to pick us out a line and wait, while I ran to get our last item. When I returned, she had selected the shortest line and they were already unloading the cart.
I forgot to remind her the shortest line is not always the fastest line.
It turned out the checkout boy was being trained. The trainer was also a boy. The checkout boy had also never seen produce before, at least, not in its natural state. As he picked up a baggie he would hold it up and ask me what it was. Holds up garlic, "That's garlic." He looks it up on his chart for the produce code, types it in, and picks up the next bag. "What's this?" "Potatoes." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Broccoli." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Rutabega." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Celery." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Shrunken heads." Looks it up. Stops. Looks at the kid training him and says, "What do I do?" Trainer says, "What did you say these were?" "Shrunken heads." By now my kids are in hysterics, I'm standing there completely straight faced, and these two boys are totally baffled. I took pity on them, and told them it was celery root. "Is that celery root spelled with a C or an S?" "It's spelled with a P." I don't think they believed me. They couldn't find the code for it (nor for shrunken heads, BTW), so they had to ask.
When we came home daughter regaled her Daddy with the story. Eldest son thought it was good sport, and suggested I might have identified alll the produce as the cheapest thing I could think of. Holds up garlic, "What's this?" "Onions." (celery) "What's this?" "Onions." (broccoli) "What's this?" "Onions." (bananas)"What's this?" "Onions." "These look like bananas to me." "They're banonions. Look it up."
Next Monday, I'll go in the morning. Judy and Dan will love to know who's working the evening shift.
This Monday I had to make a change in my routine. I had to clean daughter's room. It took all day, so I didn't get to shop in the morning as I usually do. I waited until the younger kids came home, threw them in the car and went shopping. Since we were in a hurry, the two kids helped get the items on my list, and when we had one item left (bathroom tissue), I asked daughter to pick us out a line and wait, while I ran to get our last item. When I returned, she had selected the shortest line and they were already unloading the cart.
I forgot to remind her the shortest line is not always the fastest line.
It turned out the checkout boy was being trained. The trainer was also a boy. The checkout boy had also never seen produce before, at least, not in its natural state. As he picked up a baggie he would hold it up and ask me what it was. Holds up garlic, "That's garlic." He looks it up on his chart for the produce code, types it in, and picks up the next bag. "What's this?" "Potatoes." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Broccoli." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Rutabega." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Celery." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Shrunken heads." Looks it up. Stops. Looks at the kid training him and says, "What do I do?" Trainer says, "What did you say these were?" "Shrunken heads." By now my kids are in hysterics, I'm standing there completely straight faced, and these two boys are totally baffled. I took pity on them, and told them it was celery root. "Is that celery root spelled with a C or an S?" "It's spelled with a P." I don't think they believed me. They couldn't find the code for it (nor for shrunken heads, BTW), so they had to ask.
When we came home daughter regaled her Daddy with the story. Eldest son thought it was good sport, and suggested I might have identified alll the produce as the cheapest thing I could think of. Holds up garlic, "What's this?" "Onions." (celery) "What's this?" "Onions." (broccoli) "What's this?" "Onions." (bananas)"What's this?" "Onions." "These look like bananas to me." "They're banonions. Look it up."
Next Monday, I'll go in the morning. Judy and Dan will love to know who's working the evening shift.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Confucius Say....
A friend of mine from my newf-list was looking for some ideas for fortune cookie filler. So she presented the idea to the list, and the listers came up with some marvelous words of wisdom. With their permission I have posted them below.
Newfucius say: Newf who eats clock is just killing time.
Newfucius say: Play nice with others and they will play nice with you.
Newfucius say: When life gets busy, take a nap.
Newfucius say: If you want something, put on your cute-suit.
Newfucius say: Shady area make good place to sit.
Newfucius say: Long walks are good exercise.
Newfucius say: Life is a winding staircase, best taken one step at a time.
(Mine)
Confucius say Newf who snores rattles the windows.
Confucius say Newf with drool bib loves to kiss.
Confucius say Newfie in the water means sand in your car.
Confucius say Newfie smelling the roses means thorn in nose and trip to vet.
Mary
Confucius say: He who is blessed to have a Newfoundland in their life is truly blessed.
Susan and Deacon
Confucius say She who drools, rules.
Abbey J.
Confucius say: Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
Noofucius say: Better a Newf with a flaw than a Poodle without.
Confucius say: Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
Noofucius say: Every slime has beauty but not everyone sees it.
Confucius say: I hear, I know. I see, I remember. I do, I understand.
Noofucius say: I see, I remember. I sniff, I know. I eat, I run.
Confucius say: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Noofucius say: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a long nap.
Confucius say: It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.
Noofucius say: It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you stop to sniff.
Confucius say: Study the past, if you would divine the future.
Noofucius say: Study the counter, if you would divine the roast.
Confucius say: The object of the superior man is truth.
Noofucius say: The object of the superior Newf is salmon cookies.
Confucius say: The cautious seldom err.
Noofucius say: The cautious seldom get caught.
Confucius say: The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Noofucius say: The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the refrigerator door.
Confucius say: When anger rises, think of the consequences.
Noofucius say: When anger rises, think of escape.
Confucius say: You cannot open a book without learning something.
Noofucius say: You cannot own a Newf without learning something.
Confucius say: Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
Noofucius say: Wherever you go, go with all your heart, a slime towel, a coat rake; in a minivan, with your human.
Confucius say: To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
Noofucius say: To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness. Looking innocent doesn’t hurt.
Jane
Confucius say: He who droolz, is very coolz!
Confucius say: He who likey hair, have Newfie in Lair!
Confucius say: He who have slinger, knows Newfies are King'er
Confucius say: Your fortune for today, is to have Newfies to play!
Ted & Judy
Newf who run in front of car get tired.
Newf who chase car get exhausted.
Newf hit by car feel run down.
Vegetarian Newf owned by lousy hunter.
Newf is friend who wag tail and not tongue.
Enjoy life like Newf and work not.
Man who sleep in cat house during day, sleep with Newf at night.
Newf who run through screen door will strain self.
Friendly Newf get crack in face.
Newf say: world smell different when on 4 leg.
Newf who surf prune will run.
Jack
Confucius Say.... It is wise man who puts toilet lid down before getting kiss from Newf.
Sharon and Watson
Confucius Say.... Newfoundland Dog who eat photograph will be spitting image.
Confucius Say... Newfoundland Dog who fart in heaven must sit in his own pew.
Joan
Newfucius say: Newf who eats clock is just killing time.
Newfucius say: Play nice with others and they will play nice with you.
Newfucius say: When life gets busy, take a nap.
Newfucius say: If you want something, put on your cute-suit.
Newfucius say: Shady area make good place to sit.
Newfucius say: Long walks are good exercise.
Newfucius say: Life is a winding staircase, best taken one step at a time.
(Mine)
Confucius say Newf who snores rattles the windows.
Confucius say Newf with drool bib loves to kiss.
Confucius say Newfie in the water means sand in your car.
Confucius say Newfie smelling the roses means thorn in nose and trip to vet.
Mary
Confucius say: He who is blessed to have a Newfoundland in their life is truly blessed.
Susan and Deacon
Confucius say She who drools, rules.
Abbey J.
Confucius say: Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
Noofucius say: Better a Newf with a flaw than a Poodle without.
Confucius say: Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
Noofucius say: Every slime has beauty but not everyone sees it.
Confucius say: I hear, I know. I see, I remember. I do, I understand.
Noofucius say: I see, I remember. I sniff, I know. I eat, I run.
Confucius say: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Noofucius say: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a long nap.
Confucius say: It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.
Noofucius say: It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you stop to sniff.
Confucius say: Study the past, if you would divine the future.
Noofucius say: Study the counter, if you would divine the roast.
Confucius say: The object of the superior man is truth.
Noofucius say: The object of the superior Newf is salmon cookies.
Confucius say: The cautious seldom err.
Noofucius say: The cautious seldom get caught.
Confucius say: The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Noofucius say: The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the refrigerator door.
Confucius say: When anger rises, think of the consequences.
Noofucius say: When anger rises, think of escape.
Confucius say: You cannot open a book without learning something.
Noofucius say: You cannot own a Newf without learning something.
Confucius say: Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
Noofucius say: Wherever you go, go with all your heart, a slime towel, a coat rake; in a minivan, with your human.
Confucius say: To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
Noofucius say: To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness. Looking innocent doesn’t hurt.
Jane
Confucius say: He who droolz, is very coolz!
Confucius say: He who likey hair, have Newfie in Lair!
Confucius say: He who have slinger, knows Newfies are King'er
Confucius say: Your fortune for today, is to have Newfies to play!
Ted & Judy
Newf who run in front of car get tired.
Newf who chase car get exhausted.
Newf hit by car feel run down.
Vegetarian Newf owned by lousy hunter.
Newf is friend who wag tail and not tongue.
Enjoy life like Newf and work not.
Man who sleep in cat house during day, sleep with Newf at night.
Newf who run through screen door will strain self.
Friendly Newf get crack in face.
Newf say: world smell different when on 4 leg.
Newf who surf prune will run.
Jack
Confucius Say.... It is wise man who puts toilet lid down before getting kiss from Newf.
Sharon and Watson
Confucius Say.... Newfoundland Dog who eat photograph will be spitting image.
Confucius Say... Newfoundland Dog who fart in heaven must sit in his own pew.
Joan
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
