Monday, October 23, 2006

Lessons from Sweetie

Greet every morning with a song.
Take a nap every day.
Flirt with disaster.
Talk to yourself.
Talk to everyone else.
Tell yourself how pretty you are.
Yell at the TV.
Go to bed early.
When you see a swing, get on it and swing.
Have a special friend to tell your secrets to.
Shiny things are pretty.
Let people know you love them with your eyes.
Play with your food.
Strut your stuff.
Love life and every single minute you are given.
Life is too short.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Grocery shopping

Usually I do the grocery shopping on Monday mornings. Same store, same line, same check out gal (Judy), and same bagger (Dan). They ask how the kids and dog are, I ask about their grandkids. I will wait longer if I have to just so I can stay in my same line. They know me.
This Monday I had to make a change in my routine. I had to clean daughter's room. It took all day, so I didn't get to shop in the morning as I usually do. I waited until the younger kids came home, threw them in the car and went shopping. Since we were in a hurry, the two kids helped get the items on my list, and when we had one item left (bathroom tissue), I asked daughter to pick us out a line and wait, while I ran to get our last item. When I returned, she had selected the shortest line and they were already unloading the cart.

I forgot to remind her the shortest line is not always the fastest line.

It turned out the checkout boy was being trained. The trainer was also a boy. The checkout boy had also never seen produce before, at least, not in its natural state. As he picked up a baggie he would hold it up and ask me what it was. Holds up garlic, "That's garlic." He looks it up on his chart for the produce code, types it in, and picks up the next bag. "What's this?" "Potatoes." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Broccoli." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Rutabega." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Celery." Looks it up. Next. "What's this?" "Shrunken heads." Looks it up. Stops. Looks at the kid training him and says, "What do I do?" Trainer says, "What did you say these were?" "Shrunken heads." By now my kids are in hysterics, I'm standing there completely straight faced, and these two boys are totally baffled. I took pity on them, and told them it was celery root. "Is that celery root spelled with a C or an S?" "It's spelled with a P." I don't think they believed me. They couldn't find the code for it (nor for shrunken heads, BTW), so they had to ask.
When we came home daughter regaled her Daddy with the story. Eldest son thought it was good sport, and suggested I might have identified alll the produce as the cheapest thing I could think of. Holds up garlic, "What's this?" "Onions." (celery) "What's this?" "Onions." (broccoli) "What's this?" "Onions." (bananas)"What's this?" "Onions." "These look like bananas to me." "They're banonions. Look it up."
Next Monday, I'll go in the morning. Judy and Dan will love to know who's working the evening shift.

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Confucius Say....

A friend of mine from my newf-list was looking for some ideas for fortune cookie filler. So she presented the idea to the list, and the listers came up with some marvelous words of wisdom. With their permission I have posted them below.
Newfucius say: Newf who eats clock is just killing time.
Newfucius say: Play nice with others and they will play nice with you.
Newfucius say: When life gets busy, take a nap.
Newfucius say: If you want something, put on your cute-suit.
Newfucius say: Shady area make good place to sit.
Newfucius say: Long walks are good exercise.
Newfucius say: Life is a winding staircase, best taken one step at a time.

Confucius say Newf who snores rattles the windows.
Confucius say Newf with drool bib loves to kiss.
Confucius say Newfie in the water means sand in your car.
Confucius say Newfie smelling the roses means thorn in nose and trip to vet.

Confucius say: He who is blessed to have a Newfoundland in their life is truly blessed.
Susan and Deacon

Confucius say She who drools, rules.
Abbey J.

Confucius say: Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without.
Noofucius say: Better a Newf with a flaw than a Poodle without.

Confucius say: Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
Noofucius say: Every slime has beauty but not everyone sees it.

Confucius say: I hear, I know. I see, I remember. I do, I understand.
Noofucius say: I see, I remember. I sniff, I know. I eat, I run.

Confucius say: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
Noofucius say: A journey of a thousand miles begins with a long nap.

Confucius say: It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you do not stop.
Noofucius say: It does not matter how slowly you go, so long as you stop to sniff.

Confucius say: Study the past, if you would divine the future.
Noofucius say: Study the counter, if you would divine the roast.

Confucius say: The object of the superior man is truth.
Noofucius say: The object of the superior Newf is salmon cookies.

Confucius say: The cautious seldom err.
Noofucius say: The cautious seldom get caught.

Confucius say: The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.
Noofucius say: The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the refrigerator door.

Confucius say: When anger rises, think of the consequences.
Noofucius say: When anger rises, think of escape.

Confucius say: You cannot open a book without learning something.
Noofucius say: You cannot own a Newf without learning something.

Confucius say: Wherever you go, go with all your heart.
Noofucius say: Wherever you go, go with all your heart, a slime towel, a coat rake; in a minivan, with your human.

Confucius say: To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness.
Noofucius say: To practice five things under all circumstances constitutes perfect virtue; these five are gravity, generosity of soul, sincerity, earnestness, and kindness. Looking innocent doesn’t hurt.

Confucius say: He who droolz, is very coolz!
Confucius say: He who likey hair, have Newfie in Lair!
Confucius say: He who have slinger, knows Newfies are King'er
Confucius say: Your fortune for today, is to have Newfies to play!
Ted & Judy

Newf who run in front of car get tired.
Newf who chase car get exhausted.
Newf hit by car feel run down.
Vegetarian Newf owned by lousy hunter.
Newf is friend who wag tail and not tongue.
Enjoy life like Newf and work not.
Man who sleep in cat house during day, sleep with Newf at night.
Newf who run through screen door will strain self.
Friendly Newf get crack in face.
Newf say: world smell different when on 4 leg.
Newf who surf prune will run.

Confucius Say.... It is wise man who puts toilet lid down before getting kiss from Newf.
Sharon and Watson

Confucius Say.... Newfoundland Dog who eat photograph will be spitting image.

Confucius Say... Newfoundland Dog who fart in heaven must sit in his own pew.

Friday, October 13, 2006


I am taking Chinese. Folks keep asking me why in the world would I want to learn Chinese. Because I don't know Chinese, that's why.
Plus, wouldn't you like to know what they are saying when you stop at the Chinese Buffet?

Speaking of the unmentionables...

This happened about ten years ago. I was outside working in my front garden. The area I was working in was right near where the road used to be before the state moved it, but there was brush between where the road was and where I was working. Here I am, minding my business tending my plants when this cop pulls up off the road, gets out, walks over to the edge, unzips, and, you guessed it, takes a whizz. Right there, near where I'm working. Might have been ten feet away or less. I could hear everything, but didn't dare look or stand up. When I heard him replace his machinery and zip up, I stood up and said, "You know, you really shouldn't pee in peoples' yards."
I think I scared him.

Port-o-lets (not about the dog)

I have this aversion to port-o-lets. Portapotties, as they are also called. I come by this aversion with good reason. It all started with one by the side of the road. This particular portapotty was placed by the road in front of my house when road construction was going on. The road was being moved, a curve straightened out, and the workers needed a potty to keep them from urinating in my yard (for which I am very grateful). The only way to access this 'let was by driving halfway up my driveway.
The amazing thing was the number of other people who would see this potty and suddenly feel the urge to use it. With a firestation and gas station 1/4 mile up the road in one direction, and several restaurants 1/4 mile in the other direction, couldn't they just wait? I came home from Church one Sunday and as I was driving up the road a jogger was making a bee-line for the potty! Didn't she go before she left? Once, this one guy drives up my driveway (essentially blocking it), gets out of his car while I am standing in my yard, looks right at me and goes in. He was in there for a loooong time. Twenty minutes at least. Gave me plenty of time to think. I thought about having my boys go tip it over, but they were too small at the time. I did consider it. When the guy finally emerged, I leaned on my gate and yelled, "You know, you really ought to eat more lettuce!" The guy was horrified, ran to his car and drove off. I mean, what is it with the public toilets?
My driveway is a hill with a slight incline from the road. This means at night, around 2am, someone would come up the driveway, radio blasting, THUMPAH, THUMPAH,
THUMPAH; lights blaring in my bedroom window, and someone would get out and go. This drove me absolutely crazy. I plotted my revenge: placing one of those toilet monsters under the lid, a tape cassette with ghostly noises set to go off after the person sits, saran wrap on the seat; you name it, I thought of it.
Unfortunately, the road crew moved up the road a bit and took the toilet with them before I had the courage to pull something off. Maybe next time I see a potty by the side of the road, I'll grab my plastic wrap and make a pit stop.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

A Most Deserving Newf

Hi all, This is Orion here.
Since you all thought I was very deserving of my Eggs Benedict yesterday, I thought I'd pass along that I had a a blueberry pancake and a sausage on my kibble this morning (Mom brought 5lbs of tiny blueberries from Nova Scotia this summer. Dad thought she was crazy, but she popped them in the freezer and has been adding them to her pancake batter. A little bit of Nova Scotia in my tummy! Yum!). I love Mom's pancakes, she even puts on a bit of maple syrup on mine (Dad does not). Then for dinner she served Chicken en Croute, which is chicken, Canadian Bacon, and a stuffing made of wild mushrooms, shallots, dates and pistachios (Mom made it up, she's so clever!) all wrapped up in a puff pastry. Mom had the meatless version (just the stuffing) and shared some of that with me, and one of my boys shared his chicken on my kibble. Mom says I earn my keep by just being so darned cute. I love it! Ahhh, life is good. I wonder what's for breakfast tomorrow.......

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Orion in 1966 Karman Ghia

Orion going for a ride with his Daddy

The License Plate to be

We bought a van. A full size van. A huge, monstrous house-on-wheels with loads of room. I'm a small car person. I like the idea of me driving around with my newf in the passenger seat of a mini cooper, or the 1966 Karman Ghia. Now wouldn't we look cool? The kids are getting big, and need more room (notice, the dog doesn't need the big vehicle, it's the kids who do)so hubber bought this van. To pacify me, he might get me a vanity plate (I already put on the newfie decals). So I posted the idea to my fellow newf listers who helped me come up with some license plate ideas. In my State, they have rules about these things; only six letters/numbers combinations, no numbers between two letters, and I have to check to see if the plate has already been taken (TROUBL is taken, MONSTR is not). Here is the list which has been edited to fit the rules. Perhaps my faithful readers will take a vote and let me know what they choose. I left out the Drulzelot ones, they might be taken that the driver drools, and we wouldn't want to send that kind of message, now would we? All of these are available as of this date:
(okay, that last one looks like New Flavor, doesn't it? I'll skip that one!)
THOOP (the sound the newfie makes when he is licking his nose!)
BURP (teenage son's idea, maybe I'll save it for his car)

So the list is out, now go ahead and send your vote.